I’m Overwhelmed!

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It's incredible how overwhelmed we are when we are actively addicted to alcohol or drugs, and how much it keeps us from getting sober. We feel a crushing weight on our back, and it occurs on three levels:

• we are overwhelmed by the thought of living without our substance
• we are overwhelmed by all of life's problems that have piled up and worsened
• we are overwhelmed by the guilt, shame, fear, self-loathing, and anger we feel

It's easy to feel alone, isolated, and picked on when your life spirals downwards from addiction. It's hard to understand your own behavior and continued use of the drug or drink, because it doesn't make sense. Life's problems become so huge and overwhelming that it feels like there is no way out.

The problem is that we can feel so overwhelmed that we feel that stopping drinking or using is not possible, and that even if it were possible there's no point because life sucks too much anyway. However, we know from documented cases of many people with addictions over many years that this overwhelmed feeling is common among people who are addicted to drink or drug, and that recovery is possible for anyone who accepts the right help, and that the things that overwhelmed us go away in recovery.

There are millions of people who have come before us, and have lived exactly how we have, and have had the same experience as us. The course of addiction to a substance and the symptoms it brings out are remarkably consistent in all people. Luckily, we have access to the records of the experiences of these people, and we can draw from them.

Let's look at each of these three overwhelming burdens that keep us toiling under the lash of our substance and see what experience can teach us.

Overwhelmed by the thought of living without our drug/alcohol

By the time our drinking or using gets really destructive, most of us have tried multiple times to stop on our own, but we have failed.

Life is so hard and we fear withdrawal so much that we can't imagine life without our drink or drug. We are afraid. We have failed all our attempts on our own, and we don't believe it's possible for us to stop drinking or using. Our guilt and shame and self-loathing are so huge that we don't even believe we deserve a good life.

Part of the abnormal psychology of alcoholism/addiction is a terrible tendency to blow things up in our mind and get terrified - the "mountain out of a molehill" thing. We lay awake at night mulling things over in our mind, thinking up worst-case scenarios, and we make things look worse than they are. When we think of living without drugs or alcohol, we project it as being too much for us.

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The best way to crush this feeling of being overwhelmed by the thought of life without our substance is to borrow a principle from the Twelve Step program: "one day at a time." We need to learn to just concern ourselves with today: do the things we need to do to stay sober today, and let tomorrow look after itself. Focussing on today is easy enough, focussing on a lifetime is not.

When we are in active addiction or alcoholism, going a day or two without drinking or using is really hard to do. Sometimes you can put together a few days or more without drug or drink, but that's it. The thought of not drinking or using for a lifetime is totally overwhelming. Even the thought of 30 days seems impossible.

However, the trick is to stop thinking about staying clean and sober for a lifetime, or even for 30 days. We must just concern ourselves with today. Anybody can stay clean and sober for one day, right? Well, we just concern ourselves with staying clean and sober today. We do the things we need to do to be in recovery today - go to a meeting, seek help, connect with someone who's in recovery, delete our dealer's number from our phone - and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Take your sobriety one day at a time. To just focus on staying sober today, and forget about tomorrow. As simplistic as that sounds, it works. You won't be overwhelmed by the thought of just staying sober today. Soon, "one day at a time" adds up to a lot of days. And it becomes easier as time goes by.

Overwhelmed by Life's Problems

For most of us, the stress of life's problems had a lot to do with bringing us to our alcohol or drug addiction. We used our substance as a dysfunctional coping mechanism because the stress was too hard, too overwhelming. Then, as we became more and more withdrawn from life our problems worsened and accumulated. The stress got worse, and we drank or used more. There comes a point where the addiction is no longer about the drug or the alcohol, it's about avoiding life's problems.

It is the common experience of millions of addicts/alcoholics that once they got sober, things started to get better. It always turns out that we have blown our problems way out of proportion in our minds, as alcoholics and addicts do, and taking our problems one day at a time helps to stop us from driving ourselves crazy.

It feels like our problems are so many and so bad that there is no way out, and drinking or using is our only escape. However, I have worked with hundreds of people in recovery from addiction and alcoholism, and they all tell me the same thing: once they got in recovery, life started coming together for them. Their problems weren't as bad as they thought they were, and they were able to face them with a clear head. My own personal experience has been the same.

Things just have a way of working themselves out, as long as we take care of ONE thing: remaining sober. Things we thought were gone forever come back to us. Bridges that we had burned open up to us again. People we had driven away with our crazy behavior start coming back to us, once they see that we are in recovery. And we are able to live with our problems and do what we can to help them along. It has widely been the experience of the millions of people who found sobriety that as long as they stayed sober things came together in their life.

But, we mustn't try to get sober to get our spouse or our kids back, or to keep our job, or to stop spending money. If we try to get sober for anything but ourselves we will fail. That has been the experience of the millions of people who did this before us. We have to do it for ourselves only.

While that sounds selfish, it's not. The grip of our disease is strong, and we will never break it unless we are focussed on ourselves. If we were capable of getting sober for our kids, or for the boss, or to stop from spending all our money, or whatever else we would have done so long ago. All those we love and all those things that are important to us will remain lost unless we focus on ourselves while we break these chains.

In my own experience I was completely overwhelmed by my life problems, and I thought that even if I got sober I could never be happy. So, just like my sobriety, I started to take life one day at a time. I do today what I can to help my problems that I can help, and I accept the problems that I can't do anything about. I focus on doing my best today, and I let tomorrow take care of itself. As simplistic as that sounds, it works. I no longer lay awake all night worrying about my problems. And they are getting better, because each day I am sober I am doing something to help them along.

Life is no bed of roses, I still have a lot of life stressors and problems, but I am happier than I have ever been in my life. That's because I no longer need the bottle or the needle to hide from an overwhelming life. I now deal with life in bite-sized chunks - one day at a time.

So, when we are getting clean and sober we should take life one day at a time. Forget yesterday, it's gone. There is nothing we can gain from worrying about yesterday, or obsessing over "what ifs." Let go of yesterday. Whether what happened in the past was good or bad, we must accept what happened, since we can't change it.

As for tomorrow, it also does us no good to obsess over what may or may not happen, and to waste brain-power on worrying about it. Rather, each day we should focus on today, and do everything we can TODAY, to help our problems along, and to get what we want out of life. And then, let tomorrow take care of itself. We can plan for the future, but it does no good to worry about it or obsess about it.

I'm Overwhelmed by Guilt, Fear, Anger, Shame

The emotions that lay on our shoulders when we are actively drinking or using are crippling. They are so crushing that we constantly seek temporary relief in our drink or drug. It seems to us to be the only escape. Our behavior to support our habit and the things we do while in our cups heap more guilt and shame on us. We are angry at everyone: the world, God, anyone in our path for our situation and blame them for all the things that have happened to us. We can't imagine facing those horrible emotions without our substance as a crutch. It's overwhelming.

One of the reasons behind the effectiveness of recovery programs that involve frequent contact with other alcoholics or addicts is because we can see that we are not alone in our experience. (See: "Recovery Programs" Click Here). We meet people and hear their stories to see how they overcame all the mental debris left over from their drinking or using days.

By hearing about people's experiences we can see that our own situation is not at all unusual or extraordinary. It's exactly the same thing everyone else with addictions go through. We can also see that there is a way out, because other people share their stories with us. For a 5 minute video about how a firefighter escaped a disastrous addiction and found his way into recovery and a life worth living, see "Video: A Firefighter's Inspiring Story of Addiction and Recovery" (click here). It's really worth watching.

It's a good starting point for recovery: to realize that our "overwhelming" emotions are no different than anyone else's who came before us. We need to realize that sobriety is possible for us, and that we are worth it. We are no more "messed up, addicted, and destitute" than any of the people who came before us and achieved sobriety.

Once we are sober, it is crucial to deal with those black emotions and feelings. Simply not drinking or using is not enough. Years of experience have taught us that we must correct the pathological psychology that our disease brought on and get those burdensome emotions off our back… or we will ultimately go back.

That is why it is wise to get involved with a recovery program that addresses our mental pathology as part of our recovery. That is why there is no "pill" that makes us sober… we must address the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and pain behind our addiction. Even Naltrexone - recently being touted as the new cure for drinking - has only an 11% success rate. No pill gets us out from under all our mental baggage. If you do use a medication, I suggest doing it along with a recovery program that addresses all the mental and emotional baggage that is behind your addiction.

As well, many among us suffer from mental health problems along with our drinking or using (me included). Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and many other such illnesses exist in the majority of alcoholics and addicts (according to the U.S. NIH). Substance use and mental health problems cause each other, and are even hard to tell apart. Getting sober is necessary to respond to treatment for other mental health problems, and vice-versa.

In my own case, chronic depression had a lot to do with my alcohol and drug use, as I tried to "self-medicate." It was amazing to me how quickly my depression responded to treatment once I was sober, and how much easier it was to stay sober once my depression was treated. To learn about this crucial interaction see "The Link Between Mental health and Alcoholism/ Addiction" (Click Here).

No matter how you decide to get sober, all that matters is that it works for you. I want you sober and living life! Make sure that your thought processes that have been corrupted and warped by your substance use gets addressed. That is important in order to stay sober and to have peace of mind.

I will let you in on a little secret that should help: alcoholism and addiction is a disease of biology, and not a failure of morality! All those awful behaviors fall under the umbrella of symptoms that are the hallmark of the disease of addiction. If you are skeptical about addiction and alcoholism being a disease, read "Alcoholism/Addiction as a Disease: The Controversy" (click here).

An End to "Overwhelming"

For me, It wasn't long before things weren't so overwhelming. Living free of drugs and alcohol became progressively easier for me, it no longer overwhelmed me. My life issues were no longer being blown out of proportion now that my mind wasn't running away with them. I could now address problems where I could, and live with the problems that stuck. And I no longer lived with ugly emotions and feelings. A huge weight was off my back, and I was able to sleep well and enjoy life, no matter what came my way.

There is a mental process that occurs in people with addictions, whereby they move to a frame of mind where they are ready to accept help and start a life in recovery. A knowledge of this mental process helps us to help them by recognizing where they are in their disease, and to understand what needs to happen before they can get better. For a description of this process and tips on how to help someone struggling with addiction or alcoholism, see "How to Help an Addict or Alcoholic" (Click Here).

We should not allow feeling "overwhelmed" to keep us from a sober life.

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave comments, or to email us with your stories, comments, questions, or words of wisdom at recovery.folio@gmail.com. Please register for free as a member of our recovery community to get notifications of new articles as they come out (click here).