Getting around past traumas

I can’t get sober until I deal with my past.

Past life trauma is shockingly common among addicts and alcoholics. Small wonder, because for some it's the way to try to crush the awful memories, fears, and self-loathing that come from the past. People tell us we need to "deal with" what happened.

What does it mean to “deal with” a traumatic experience from the past? People seem to believe it means that the offending experience is forgotten and no longer bothersome. That’s not a realistic expectation, but many will cling to this forlorn hope for a lifetime.

Realistically, “dealing with” a traumatic event means arriving at a point where we can get through our days without the event dominating our thoughts and dictating our actions. In other words, finding a way to have peace and function normally, so that these events no longer “own” us. Medicine calls this disruption of normal functioning due to past events Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Click Here. PTSD is one of the few psychiatric disorders that medicine is not very good at treating. Medications do not help very much. Psychotherapy can help, somewhat.

It’s important to remember that even in the absence of PTSD, many of us are yoked to past issues that burden us with pain. Everybody has something from their past that somehow colors their thoughts, beliefs, and actions in a negative way. These things, too, can push us into alcoholism and addiction, even in the absence of PTSD.

What constitutes "trauma"?

Past trauma may not be from one specific event. It may be from accumulated events, such as ongoing poor treatment in the workplace, bullying during the school years, or how a child is treated over years. As well, its effect is based on the person’s perception of events and memories. Events that may be traumatic for one person may be easily shaken off by another.

We must remember to give space and empathy to those affected, because unless one has been through it personally, it is impossible to fully appreciate the psychological effects of past trauma… especially if it was in childhood… especially if it was repeated and prolonged… especially if it was at the hands of those who should be providing care and protection… and especially if it involved sexual abuse.

Little wonder that victims of abuse tend to be angry and defensive people. They understandably feel vulnerable and threatened by the world, and characteristically respond aggressively when they feel challenged or threatened. They also feel chronically misunderstood, which also brews up anger and aggression.

Psychological effects of past traumas

Addressing past traumatic experiences is an exquisitely delicate issue. Offending the traumatized is easy and unsafe to do. Even experienced therapists find it a challenge to establish rapport with these unfortunates. I have worked with people who suffer ongoing effects of past events, and find it one of the most difficult of challenges.

There are some effects of traumatic events on our psychology - our thoughts processes and how we behave - that cause all the misery. One is victimization, which is where we begin to see ourselves as a victim. It is true that we are a victim of something bad, but in victimization we begin to create our identity around being a victim. We soon see ourselves as victims in even trivial life events.

This leads to a dangerous state of mind known as an external locus of control. This is where we begin to see our lives as controlled by outside events and other people. While it is true that there is much in our lives we can't control, people with an external locus of control believe that nothing they can do will improve their life.

There is a danger that this can lead to learned helplessness, which is extreme case of external locus of control. In learned helplessness, people view the things in their life as something that cannot be controlled or influenced so they cease trying. They make no effort improve their situation in life or avoid further mishap.


In many cases, especially cases of abuse or assault, this psychological helplessness  is compounded by an inability to trust people, and a fear of the world at large. This is especially the case when they suffered abuse at the hands of someone who should have protected and nurtured them, such as a parent, relative, teacher, police officer, doctor, etc.

They also feel chronically misunderstood, which is an impediment for trusting and talking to someone - professional or otherwise - about their feelings and what happened.

The criminal justice system rarely lives up to its name, and the lack of justice after suffering trauma or abuse can be very destructive to the victim. The healthcare and justice systems often re-victimize the victims, and this leads to further psychological isolation... and anger.

The anger and resentments over past abuse is seldom satisfied by the outcome of the perpetrator's fate. The anger over this can fester and grow, to the point of becoming intrusive, where it is difficult to concentrate on anything else. This anger, with no outlet for retribution against the guilty, will boil out over and be directed at undeserving people and things around us. We become bitter people.

Being alone becomes our "safe" place. We isolate ourselves, shun help or caring, and are primed to seek out smothering our anger, resentment, fear, insecurity, and self-loathing with coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, the quick and easy coping mechanisms are not very healthy for us. These can include avoidance behaviors (self-isolation, avoiding life), indiscriminate sexual behaviors, addiction and alcoholism, and self-harm (cutting, eating disorders, suicide).

While a complete discussion of the other psychological effects of past trauma is beyond the scope of this book, for those who are interested in the subject it involves impaired self-reference, dissociative behaviors, disturbed relatedness, and dysfunctional coping mechanisms

Past trauma and addiction / alcoholism

People with PTSD carry a higher risk of alcoholism and addiction, as they understandably seek to “self-medicate” in their desperation to relieve their pain and suffering. It’s an attractive but dysfunctional coping mechanism. Not surprisingly, this coping mechanism leads to a much worse situation, where we now have comorbidity, which is the presence of substance use as well as another psychiatric disorder.

In the National Comorbidity Survey PTSD was associated with alcoholism in 52% of males and 28% of females, and drug addiction was in 35% and 27%, respectively.¹⁰ These surveys notoriously under-estimate true prevalence rates because of the reluctance of “us people” to disclose that we are alcoholics or addicts when asked in a survey... or by our doctor. I discuss PTSD in more detail in another post.

Again, it must be emphasized that even in the absence of PTSD, those who are bothered by things from the past are at risk for addiction and alcoholism.

---

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

---

Want to get the whole story?

See the author's book, for a guided tour through the brain changes, genetics, and psychology that cause addiction... and how to use this information to beat addiction.

This successful book enables addicts and alcoholics to understand why addictive substances hold such power over them, and it allows non-addicts to understand addiction and all the behaviors that go along with it. Loved ones, teachers, clergy, supervisors, healthcare professionals... anyone who encounters addiction will find this book an eye-opener.

The book is presented in everyday language with a sense of humor that makes it a fun read.

This important book is available in e-book and paperback versions, and for download of free samples at amazon.com Click Here

---

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

---

 

The above statistics show that “dealing with” past trauma is crucial to helping us to find sobriety, and finding sobriety is likewise crucial to dealing with past trauma. Luckily, most of the recovery programs do both. However, with deep emotional trauma I strongly advise also involving outside help, in the form of a therapist experienced in that particular type of trauma, as well as a medical professional.

Please do not allow my brevity and my suggestion that there is a way to come to terms with these tragedies to imply that I am trying to minimize or trivialize the impact of these tragedies on our lives. The legacy of these events is the cruelest of prisons. However, this issue, so common among those who seek refuge in the bottle or narcotic, must necessarily be discussed. It is the elephant in the room that is blocking the door to our sobriety.

Putting the past in its place

Past traumas can play a leading part in bringing us to our alcohol and drug use – understandably so. However, if we fixate on blaming our substance use on these events, it gets us nowhere. It just further blows up our resentments over these events, which will be an insurmountable barrier to our recovery as well as our ability to find peace. Letting go of the blame and anger over these events has to be done.

But it is in our nature to resist letting go of the anger – we want to continue to hate and punish. Somehow the hate and anger we lavish on past events and those responsible is satisfying to us psychologically. But we can't satisfy this anger by punishing or getting vengeance on the people and things responsible - they are out of our reach. So this long-standing preoccupation has to end if we are to be happy and free.


By saying this I am not trivializing what some have lived through in the past. Even after 15 years of practicing medicine I still hear stories of past traumas from addicts and alcoholics that leave me speechless. The point is that we can’t change what has happened in the past, we can only change what we do with it now. It may seem stark and heartless to boil it down to that, but that is the hard truth. We can either lurk through life with a black cloud of resentment over our head and express our anger toward those around us and try to smother that bitterness with drugs and alcohol, or we can choose to “deal with” it as best we can.

We must stop allowing the past to be a reliable source of unhappiness.

Healing...

The freedom we experience from the release from the black cloud over our head is immense, as can be seen by the testimonials from addicts and alcoholics who have done so. It’s about whether we allow these things to own us. Talking it over with another member of a recovery program who shares a similar history of trauma is therapeutic. One doesn’t have to look too far to find that in the recovery fellowships. There is no better medicine for our suffering than bonding with someone who understands our troubles first-hand. This is part of the value of belonging to a recovery program (Twelve Steps program, Smart Recovery, etc.).

One alcoholic who found peace and serenity was able to let go of her resentment toward her parents: “…I don’t blame my parents for my alcoholism. Kids with a lot worse upbringing than mine did not turn out alcoholic, while some that had it a lot better did. In fact, I stopped wondering, ‘Why me?’ a long time ago. It’s like a man standing on a bridge in the middle of a river with his pants on fire wondering why his pants are on fire. It doesn’t matter. Just jump in! And that is exactly what I did with A.A. once I finally crossed the river of denial!” (Big Book, page 328).

This woman makes my point perfectly. When we have horrible events in our past, we will never be able to forget, and maybe never forgive. Nothing will take these terrible memories away. However, we can take action to stop these memories’ power to “own” us, to control our thoughts and actions, to drag us down.

To build on the above analogy, the man with the burning pants will always have scars on his body from his burning pants. By choosing to jump in the river he can stop the burning. However, if he chooses to remain on the bridge to obsess about why his pants are burning and who or what caused it, he will surely be consumed by the fire.

This freedom is worth the work. People who live in the past have often forgotten what it is like to feel “normal”. Many consumed by this level of anger and resentment find it to be the last thing they think of when they go to bed at night, and the first thing they think of when they come to in the morning… if they can sleep. Their inner fury boils over into their daily lives, causing them to be quick to anger and impatient, lashing out at faultless people for the smallest of offences.

What a wonderful thing to be released from this servitude of pain and to find true peace of mind and serenity! But we must first be willing to let go of that strangely satisfying anger over the past, and face our demons head-on. One alcoholic woman, Karen, illustrates this well.

Karen was deeply affected by an essay by Martha Roth that she found in her daily meditation book. Karen paraphrases: “The essay talked about people who analyze themselves to death. They know exactly what makes them do the things they do: the tyrannical mothers, the abusive husbands, the poverty they were raised in, or the childhood of extreme indulgence and privilege. They have great insight, but instead of using that insight as a means to develop new and hopefully better behavior, they use it as a reason to continue with old, destructive behavior. They are not willing to go through the pain it takes to change, even though the pain of staying the same is killing them” (from the book Drop the Rock, pages 6-7).

Obviously, this process is easier said than done, and it's a gradual thing. It requires patience. We slowly allow people "in", maybe even start trusting a few. We build on what we have achieved. But, we keep in mind that we will never be able to forget, and perhaps never forgive, but our goal is not allowing these things to dominate our thoughts and behaviors.

Defeating the psychology of trauma

Psychology researcher Dr. Ervin Staub¹¹ has done some interesting work with survivors of traumatic abuse and has demonstrated a tendency among many to altruism (helping others and expecting nothing in return), something he refers to as altruism born of suffering. His work has shown that helping others appears to be highly therapeutic for people suffering from past traumatic events.


Some of the recovery programs - most notably the Twelve Step program -heavily emphasize service work – helping others – which Dr. Staub’s research shows to be of great benefit in people dealing with past traumas. These recovery programs provides an excellent framework for exploring this potentially therapeutic avenue.

Psychologically,  we need to move the sufferer from an external locus of control (remember from above) to an internal locus of control, where we see that they can take actions to improve their situation in life. Again, this comes gradually, as we start to approach life problems, socialize a little more, and see the results of our efforts.

While we can realistically expect to live without being dominated by past events, emotional and mental scars will never heal. The scars will remain, but many among us have shed the dominance of these events from our lives. It can be done.

I hope that anyone living with horrible memories and emotional and physical scars from life’s injustices will decide to take the difficult path that begins with the courage to allow peace back into their lives. It takes courage because it involves leaving our safety zone. It’s an important step to finding life-long sobriety.