What is “Cognitive Dissonance” and why does it keep me addicted?

What is "Cognitive Dissonance?" 

Central to the psychology of our chemical misadventures is cognitive dissonance. This is the psychological discomfort we get when our behavior doesn't match how we believe a good person should behave.

We alcoholics and addicts are acclaimed for our twisted, illogical thinking. We can rationalize anything, we cling to our habits even though they are obviously killing us and ruining our lives, and we blame everyone else rather than ourselves. To an outsider we look absolutely insane.

A common symptom of the disordered thinking of addiction is an extreme form of rationalization, which is our strongly ingrained nature to substantiate our behavior with plausible reasons, even if these reasons are distorted and untrue. It is self-deceit.

The psychological basis for this self-deceit is two-fold: first, our inborn drive to always present ourselves in the best possible light to others, and second, because of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs when the mind knows that our behavior – in this case our substance use and related escapades – isn’t proper and conflicts with our beliefs about how a good person should behave.

This inconsistency between our ideas, beliefs, and values and our real-life actions creates dissonance – a great psychological discomfort – which we feel as guilt, remorse, shame, and self-loathing. Our mind knows that the easiest way to stop the psychological discomfort is by stopping the behavior, our drinking or using, but our addiction won't allow us to stop.

Since our addiction over-rides the obvious solution of stopping the substance use, our mind is forced to find another way to reduce the dissonance. It tries to do this by warping reality in order to deceive itself that our actions match our values. Full-on denial of reality.

"Bad" behaviors are a fundamental symptom of alcoholism / addiction

Our obsession for alcohol or drug forces us to lie, cheat, steal, sneak around, neglect people and responsibilities, lose people and property, avoid work… our actions therefore become more and more out of line with our fixed concept of how a person should behave. As Robin Williams said, we alcoholics [or addicts] violate our standards quicker than we can lower them.

Our disease is a progressive one, and as the behaviors worsen and the list of wrongs lengthens, we end up with great psychological pain. This becomes extreme in the alcoholic/addict because as we consummate our cocktail or cocaine consumption more and more of our behavior becomes exposed to and known about by other people and the guilt and shame and remorse expand to detonation-levels.

Our obsession for drug or alcohol crushes the mind’s desire to stop the substance use and related behaviors, and our compulsion to satisfy our obsession wins out: we keep on drinking or using. The dissonance – the psychological discomfort caused by our actions – builds so much that our minds have to warp reality considerably in order to even try to substantiate what we are doing and so attempt to relieve the psychological pain.

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Our mind is hard-wired to start to believe our own lies and warped logic in order to relieve this anguish. It is just normal human nature forced to extremes by the toxic behaviors of alcoholism/addiction.

The peace and serenity that we seek and find in recovery is simply the absence of cognitive dissonance. For a great discussion about overcoming the ugly mental feelings and emotions of addiction and alcoholism, see "Positive Psychology and Recovery" (click here).

Our addictive behaviors make us feel bad about ourselves - this is cognitive dissonance

Prominent among the symptoms of drug or alcohol addiction are the relentless remorse, regret, shame, embarrassment, and self-loathing that become the “stone in the shoe” of our mind. Morning after morning… awakening disappointed to be alive… physically sick… already obsessed with getting the next drink or drug… heartsick over yet another failure to stop… all the loss… the troubles we have brought on others… the horrible things we have done. Then we hear some of the things we said and did while blacked out. Ouch! More remorse, guilt, shame get heaped on.

Waking up to realize we are in a hospital, or somewhere else strange and have no idea how we got there, or to look out the window to see that our car isn’t in the driveway where it should be. Ouch. The emotions can’t be described. Tormented?… miserable?… despicable?… wretched?… pathetic? Multiply these feelings by ten if our eyes open to a jail cell. The feeling that life’s problems are insurmountable lead us to seek getting drunk and high as the only way to make those horrible feelings go away for a while. It’s little wonder that our feelings of self-worth have long ago left us. (For a great discussion on how to overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed, see "I'm Overwhelmed" click here).

We can't stop our addictive behavior - our addiction won't let us stop - so we seek other ways to reduce the guilt, remorse, and shame

Our mind's efforts to stop the dissonance - the guilt and shame we feel from our addictive behaviors -  cause us to blame everything wrong in our lives on others. That is our nature: our psychology is geared toward protecting our mind from discomfort, no matter how much it has to lie, warp facts, or ignore logic to do so – the psychology of cognitive dissonance at work.

It's uncomfortable for our mind to believe that our misfortunes are our fault. So, we blame others, or even the world at large or God for our woes, and ignore our mistakes and faults that may have contributed to them.

Our mind has another way to try to protect us from the psychological discomfort of our troubles: by seeking out coping mechanisms. These are schemes that our mind comes up with to reduce stress (psychological discomfort) by encouraging behavior that will relieve that stress. This is usually done subconsciously, although repeating the coping behaviors may become a conscious process, although not necessarily a voluntary process.

The psychologists call these “coping strategies” or “coping skills”, but I prefer to call them coping mechanisms, because “strategies” implies that they are well thought out, and “skills” implies that they are positive abilities, and neither characteristic is usually present in alcoholics and addicts. They are usually reactive (an immediate reflexive response to a stressor, such as drinking after a stressful situation) although they may be proactive (performed in advance to prevent stress - drinking before going into a stressful situation).

The psychologists have classified these coping mechanisms into a number of different types, but I like to classify them as either dysfunctional coping mechanisms (harmful), or healthy coping mechanisms. A healthy coping mechanism may be something like exercise, meditation, going to a recovery meeting, talking things over with a friend.

Examples of a dysfunctional coping mechanism: denial, avoidance/escape, blaming others, procrastination, lashing out, trivializing the problem. Very dysfunctional coping mechanisms can involve seeking the stimulation of our reward pathways in our brain: sex for the sake of sex, over-eating and Bulimia, splurge shopping, drinking or using drugs; or it can be behaviors of self-harm (cutting, Anorexia, suicide).

It is a sad truth of psychology that “misery loves company.” Once again, our disease amplifies this ugly aspect of our mental make-up. As we have discussed, when we are actively drinking or using we are consumed with guilt, shame, and regret. Our cognitive dissonance is profound, and our selfish alcoholic-addict mind can seek to reduce that dissonance by compelling us to surround ourselves with people who are doing the same as us, and also try to pull down those around us, including loved ones, to our own level of misery.  After all, our behavior can’t be that bad if everyone else is doing it too, right?

Part of the reason we begin to loath ourselves is because society loaths us and our behavior. Society condemns addicts and alcoholics as bad people, and we buy into it and apply the stigma to ourselves. For a really cool discussion about this, see "The Invention of the Junkie" (click here).

Cognitive Dissonance keeps us in denial, and keeps us in our addiction

This cognitive dissonance can't be corrected by stopping our addictive behaviors - our addiction won't let us do that. So we are stuck lying to ourselves and others about our behaviors, and it puts us in denial of our problem. We can't solve a problem if we don't agree that we have one. It also keeps us using drugs or alcohol to try to smother our mental pain - the guilt, anger, fear, remorse and shame that the dissonance brings on.

Why do alcoholics and addicts behave "badly"???

The natural history of alcoholism and addiction is that of progression. Just like any other disease, progression almost invariably follows the same path. As our addiction progresses we need more of our substance to achieve the same effects, or even just to feel “normal” – this is known as tolerance.

Continued substance use is very expensive. Drugs and alcohol cost a lot of money, and require a lot of time and effort to obtain, use, and then hangover from. As the addiction progresses, many are unable to maintain a job, and income drops or ceases. Eventually, the money dries up. Then, if selling property or possessions is necessary to continue drinking, this is done eagerly, without a second thought.

After this is all gone, we borrow money from family and friends. It doesn’t take long before this, too, dries up, especially once our loved ones clue in to what the money is for. We resort to lying to get this money: “I need the money to get my daughter her asthma medications.” Then, to support our addiction, we denigrate ourselves to thievery from family and friends. When this comes to light and precautions prevent further theft, we become desperate.

For some, the only way to continue supporting their drinking or using is by extraordinary means - including crime. If we are reluctant to resort to crime, withdrawal from our drug will cure that reluctance in short order. Theft, robbery, burglary, forgery, prostitution, dealing drugs, and worse become our new way.

One of my friends in recovery is one of the nicest people I know. He is soft-spoken, gentle, giving, and a good friend. I can’t imagine him doing something that would harm others. Yet, when he was in active addiction he was regularly carrying out burglaries, as the only way he could support his habit. What a paradox: how could such a good and giving person also be a thief? The answer: he is not a thief. He was an addict who was displaying a typical symptom of his sickness.

Ending the cycle

When we are seeking sobriety or newly in sobriety we are overwhelmed with guilt, remorse, shame, and self-loathing. This is understandable, but it is a major impediment to recovery: we can feel unworthy of recovery. The shameful behavior is but a symptom of our addiction… it all falls under the umbrella of our disease. So, we are not “liars, thieves, and jerks”, we are alcoholics and addicts. Our behavior during our addiction is part of that sickness, and it does not define us. It is true that we are sick people seeking to get well, not bad people seeking to become good.

Simply pointing this out will not alleviate our guilt. That is not the point. The point is to make us realize that we are not fundamentally bad people. There is no moving forward while the grip of the past holds us back.

Simply stopping drinking or using drugs is not enough to stop the psychological pain brought on by our dissonance. We must come to terms with our past behaviors, and fix those parts of our character that have been soured by the experience. This lifts the crushing weight of our past actions off our shoulders, and allows us to move forward in life with our behaviors matching our beliefs of how a good person behaves. For a great discussion see "Self-Forgiveness and Recovery" (click here).

This is why I strongly recommend a recovery program that addresses these psychological issues - the mental carnage left over from our drinking and using days. Taking a pill that stops us from drinking or using - even if such a pill existed - won't do that for us. We need to address our issues in the company of others who truly understand us - other addicts and alcoholics in recovery. I recommend programs such as the Twelve Step programs (Click Here) or SMART recovery (Click Here).

The process is unbelievably liberating. Confronting our wrongdoings, taking ownership, making amends, and forgiving ourselves provides a life-changing healing experience. Suddenly, we don't need drink or drug to numb the pain anymore.

It's so much better when we don't try to do this alone. For most of us, doing it our way - alone and without a program of recovery - has failed us many times in the past. Becoming a member of a recovery fellowship or support group allows us to connect with others who understand us, and are non-judgmental, because they've been there too. We can learn from them, and pass on our own experience to newcomers.

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